Lost Interviews: Darth Vader

Darth Vader circa 1975

Darth Vader circa 1978

1977 was a great time for film. One of the most iconic character actors of the 70’s was Darth Vader. The rather controversial and intimate 1979 interview was never published due to George Lucas suing the magazine for interviewing without explicit permission and defamation due to some of the content that was recorded in the article. Legendary magazine writer Ron Travers passed away recently and his estate was put up for auction. Amongst his files were hundreds of lost interviews that never made it to publication. We were able to bid on these files in a vault of Ron’s and were successful with winning them. Some of the found photos and tapes were found in a vault at now defunct 70’s magazine Splash and we have found and published for the first time, an interview with an icon of cinema.

On a gloomy Sunday in September of 1979 in New York I received a call from the agent of none other than Darth Vader from the new film Star Wars. We agreed to conduct the interview at his palatial apartment up on the west side. Here sits a cool cat in his realm surrounded by guards dressed in red and cloaked in secrecy.

Ron Travers: Hi Darth, may I call you Darth?
Darth Vader: Sure man my friends call me Sky and only my teachers would call me Darth but whatever. You can call me Darth if you want to man.
Ron Travers: So tell me about your childhood.
Darth Vader: Well Ron, it’s not really something I talk about much. I was a kid, I had a mother that loved me, but sadly she’s passed. My childhood was spent getting a lot of exercise and acting training, but that’s what I love acting.

You go with the flow if you want to make the dough right?

Ron Travers: What about your father?

Life is good in Darth's World.

Life is good in Darth’s world.

Darth Vader: Hey man, lets not go there. My father must have been a real scumbag because my mom told me he left when I was born. Guess he couldn’t compete with the greatness that he created. I probably would have gone to blows with him anyways.
Ron Travers: Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to touch on a sore subject.
Darth Vader: It’s all cool man.
Ron Travers: So this is your first movie you must be pretty excited. No?
Darth Vader: Oh hell yeah man. I never thought I would get a blockbuster right out the gate. You know what I mean? It’s just fate or destiny I guess.
Ron Travers: What do you have to say to those critics out there that painted you as a flash in the pan? The critics have been really brutal quoting right here in the Times “Darth Vader’s acting is like amateur hour in a Roger Corman film” unquote. Ouch what do you say to those types of critics?
Darth Vader: I say fuck you man! You critics sit in your fat offices and do your armchair quarterbacking man when I am out there living the reality, going to auditions. They have no depth in what they are saying man.
Ron Travers: Thank god I’m not a critic, I mean really your like 6’6″ aren’t you?
Darth Vader: Yeah I am six foot six and a half, but who’s counting, man.
Ron Travers: I know your fans want to know, but what do you like to do when your not acting?
Darth Vader: Well I love classic cars, women, and I have a bit of a drug problem for sure mostly weed I mean hey man it’s the 1970’s right. I hate to be a square out there and you now the pressure from Hollywood to fit into the icon image.
Ron Travers: Do you have problems with the studio?
Darth Vader: Oh hell who doesn’t. I mean really its part of the biz man. You go with the flow if you want to make the dough right?

Darth Vader standing next to his Royal long Bugatti Type 44

Darth Vader standing next to his Royal long Bugatti Type 44 – circa 1977

Ron Travers: Yeah that’s for sure. So what kinda cars do you love.
Darth Vader: I really love the Bugatti it’s a big fucking car that I can at least fit in. Those little italian cars are really too small for my frame. I love’s, but damn they are just too small for me. I know Harry likes them and I know Mark he’s got this really bitchin’ cool Corvette that he races around in. I guess if you’re a hollywood type you like cars man.
Ron Travers: So I have to ask, the mask is that a status symbol or a schtick or what?
Darth Vader: Oh man, you know when I was in my teens, fresh out of the academy, I got in an accident and it burnt my face up pretty bad. I have always been self conscious about it. It’s really cool sounding don’t you think?
Ron Travers: Oh man its really cool the chicks must dig it. Do you have any problems with the ladies? I mean you can’t have oral sex right?
Darth Vader: Well Ron, I got a secret. I am hung like a stallion. With my family jewels and the dark side of the force women don’t need my tongue. I mean not that I don’t miss, I think for the right woman I can take my mask off for her, but she’s got to be like a princess or something right? Man its been years since I went downtown, but I can’t say I miss it.
Ron Travers: But what about kissing?
Darth Vader: Well breathing on their necks really does get women hot. (laughing) Seriously, when a chick gets stoned man I mean hell I can barely keep them in their pants.
Ron Travers: So sex is something that your good at?
Darth Vader: I get some groovy chick at some party and it’s right on man. It’s an awesome evening of wine, some fondue, and of course some blow.
Ron Travers: How do you eat and drink?
Darth Vader: Ron baby I got another secret. (chuckles) I got this little trap door under my breathing screen. I just sort of push whatever I want to drink or eat in there. It sucks with drinking because I have to use a straw, but I have some custom made glass straws and some hand blown glass crazy straws made for me when I got my first check from the studio. It’s really groovy man watching that wine shoot up that straw.
Ron Travers: What’s blow?
Darth Vader: Ron. Man? Are you telling me you’ve never tried blow? It’s all the rage in Hollywood. Turns women into major bimbos man. Just give them a toot and its all night long lovemaking.
Ron Travers: Whats a toot. You mentioned giving a woman a toot. That sounds sort of crazy man.
Darth Vader: Ron baby a toot is a sniff, you know snorting it. You snort it through your nose man, well in my case I just suck that shit up like a Hoover vacuum cleaner. (he leans over a mirror on the table and demonstrates…HHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPORRRRRRRRRR) AARRRGH Damn man Wooooooo thats some good shit man woohoo groovy baby. Carrie got me connected the first day on the set. WOOOHOOOO man holly shit man thats good (sniff, sniff) WOOO HOOO.. Man, I am on fire man if you could see my eyes wide open now. (he’s talking faster now) Oh man dude you wants some?
Ron Travers: No man I’m cool
Darth Vader: Oh come on man don’t be a square!
Ron Travers: No I’m cool man, I’m good with the wine.
Darth Vader: You sure? Last Chance. (he leans over again HHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPORRRRRRRRRR) AARRRGH Damn man Wooooooo that’s some very good fucking blow man, are you you sure I got tons of it. Carries got me a great connection. Did I tell you that? (sniff)
Ron Travers: Yeah you told me that already. No man I’m groovy baby. So are you going to do a sequel?
Darth Vader: What? (sniff)
Ron Travers: A sequel?
Darth Vader: What? (long pause) What? (sniff)
Ron Travers: A sequel?
Darth Vader: What’s that? (sniff)
Ron Travers: It’s a second movie. Like Rocky.  I read in Variety they are making a second one that comes out this year.
Darth Vader: Oh yeah man (sniff) They just finished it man, those guys are editing it it’s in the can man. Oh I found out I am that kid’s dad.
Ron Travers: What?
Darth Vader: Maybe I wasn’t supposed to say anything. (sniff) It’s a real big secret. So don’t write that man. Seriously (sniff) don’t write that man. (sniff)
Ron Travers: Don’t worry man it’s all groovy. Nothing you want me to tell I won’t tell. Total trust between you and me there is.
Darth Vader: Oh man this coke (sniff) is getting to me you sounded like that green guy. (sniff)
Ron Travers: What? What green guy? Are you tripping man?
Darth Vader: (sniff) No man that green guy. Oh never mind man I can’t talk about that anymore. Next question (sniff)
Ron Travers: So whats next.
Darth Vader: What?(sniff)
Ron Travers: Whats next for you? Are you going to do music? Lots of actors are cutting records. Like Scott Baio, and Leif Garret, all accomplished actors that crossed over to music careers. I mean look at David Cassidy he did it.
Darth Vader: I don’t know man. No. I think acting is the thing for me. I don’t want to be type cast or anything, but I don’t see myself playing a villain all my life. I want to be versatile. (sniff) Like my buddy Alec. (sniff)
Ron Travers: you mean Alec Guinness?
Darth Vader: (sniff) Yeah man Alec is the grooves cat I know (sniff). He played you know the good guy I killed in the movie, but he’s a real actor man not like the rest of us. I don’t even know how he decided to take this role but he was stealing the scene because he’s British man. He’s so cool and calm and that accent man he gets the babes (sniff & laughs). He’s been a war hero and played Shakespeare he’s so good man. I want to follow in his foots steps (sniffs).
Ron Travers: So you want to do Shakespeare?
Darth Vader: Hell yes man Hell yes.(sniff) I think I would do good in Hamlet or Othello man. It would be a gas man. (sniff)
Ron Travers: So lets talk about the mask, you mentioned that you can eat and drink what else does it allow you to do?
Darth Vader: Well Ron (sniff) its a really good air filter man.
Ron Travers: An air filter? You mean such as on a car?
Darth Vader: No man, a deodorizer air filter man. (sniff) It’s got this groovy filtration system built in. I mean if someone farts in the room, passes gas, you know what I mean? I can’t smell it.
Ron Travers: You can’t smell when someone farts in the room?
Darth Vader: No man. Its just clean air. Its great. I pass gas in an elevator and I’m out of there man, but I don’t smell a thing!
Ron Travers: That’s pretty groovy man.
Darth Vader: Shit yeah man its groovy baby. It’s groovy.(sniff)
Ron Travers: Well thanks for taking the time for our readers.
Darth Vader: Groovy man, thats it? (sniff) Ok well you wants some blow now?
Ron Travers: No man I’m good.
Darth Vader: Ok Man, but your missing out. Don’t mind if I do. (he leans over again) (HHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPORRRRRRRRRR) AARRRGH! Damn! man! Wooooooo that’s some very good fucking blow man, are you you sure I got tons of it. Carries got me a great connection. Did I tell you that?

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